RIP M.R.D

And It's Gone

Dazed, dizzy, tripping 

over myself,

my blood begins to thicken as

it turns dark black

I smile down watching

my veins fill with

darkness

the room spinning

my face blurred

and I can't stop laughing

It all feels too good

my parents are in their

own distress, but I 

cant hear a word they

shout at me

only smirk at their 

moving mouths with extreme

looks of concern painted 

on their troubled faces

The music begins to play

as he walks in through the front door

picking me up from the floor, I 

didn't even know I was on

We are now in his car, he's speeding

into no where, not knowing 

where to go

I have always been the leader,

his gps, the guide to his life

and so I order my driver to 

stop, park far from everything

and I pull him close

His cold tears drip on my face

as I kiss him passionately,

biting his lips, sucking on 

his tongue 

His body trembles as mine

pulsates, radiating my 

heat

He is lost, lost in what to do, lost

in me, lost in the moment, lost in

us.

"Make love to me, baby",

I whisper to him

Clumsy, unzipping his jeans, ripping

off his shirt, I lay watching him, 

smiling in my 

daze he knows nothing of.

His ways of doing as told make

me giggle and feel somewhat

superior to his love struck sadness

My mouth opens with laughter as my eyes

squint from my big cheeks

I grab him, pulling him closer before

he's even done undressing 

his frail body collapsing upon my

full figured Brazilian body

My body is on fire, his tears sizzle

raining on it

Our passionate wrestling of tongues 

intrigues body sensations and they begin 

to dance with one another

He has no clue, and I couldn't care less

"Turn up the music", I demand 

He doesn't know what to do, always

needs to be told

I cant help but to giggle some

more and again, pull him in the right

direction, back on top of me.

His body so fragile, tiny, trembling, 

his sweat now keeping up with his tears

I feel his mind going crazy, too many questions

not understanding anything, but wanting it all

He is going insane, and our love is just that.

As I feel it begin, I slow down and kiss him softly

I look deep in his eyes and smile.

He is lost.

Completely.

Looking at me with the million thoughts and questions

racing in his mind, not able to formulate any of it

into words.

"This is how I wanted it, I love you.."

He shakes my weak body, as the pieces of life's 

puzzle start to assemble themselves in his frantic mind.

I hear him yelling, but I smile and am ready.

The car door opens and it gets darker

He pulls my body out and sticking his fingers deep 

in my throat, I become dizzy, nauseous and annoyed

He drowns me with bottles of water, pinching my 

nostrils closed.

As I choke and lose my breath, I hurl out broken white 

pieces of big pills

He is crying as I perched on the side of his car, sitting in 

my own concoction of the ticket out of here

I missed my flight, he wouldn't 

let me

go..

And now,

he is the one 

that's gone.

So here I am..

Lonely as I get ready to sleep
I pull the comforter and folded
linen, off my elastic sheets.
I think of you, and immediately
closing my eyes, desiring you,
pull off my shirt and feel upon
my breast.
Grabbing a hold of your shirt, the gray one
the one stills stuck with your scent..
I ramble it between my hands, rubbing
it against my body,my
face, smelling, soaking
in the aroma of the being of
you.
The room is still and I enjoy the
slow gestures of dressing myself
with your only existence.
I feel you,
kind of how you
feel
when you
put me on
as a dressing upon
your body.
9/3/16 1:50am

For The Thrill 1:29am 09/03/2016

"For the Thrill of It"


I run wild, with desire
my nails too long
Damn
it took so long,
for them to easily get plastered on
this way
Is this me?
The gold glitter pulsates a
vibrant night of
pleasures and good feelings.
Meeting new people,
Drinking new drinks
Maybe a little smoke in the air,
inhale the second hand form,
but that is all said and done
and here I am,
alone.
Alone, not I,
for I'm with myself,
my thoughts, my life
and I stop-
here.
And-
think.
Thoughts beating as a sort of Skrillex mix
mixes the poor 'Tennis Court'
I felt bad for her.
She had no idea what she was
signing up for.
And when it was time,
a short, tiny time, to
present..
She choked, and
ruined her life in the
lime light.
I still smile at
her attempt.
For that is all
we have in life.
An attempt.
Here I am,
attempting.
Attempting to be
what I once was, what I
once strived for, the
passionate days and nights, where
I couldn't stop-
my mind and mouth, along with my
fingers...
glided.. Never ceasing.
Filled with energy and belief of
...myself.
And now, now I await for the
YouTube to play another random song.
Has this become what life has prepared and kept
for me?
I clearly doubt it.
There is too much in me that will never,
never, ever, allow me to be
mundane.
Yes, lol, call me
insane.
I love you, too.
Enjoy your monotonous life as
you watch me from a distance.
I may cry, I may weap for not
having what you do-
but in the same..
it returns to you,
For you are stuck, indoors
looking out at me..
the broken peace, the external life
that you can never bring yourself
to believe in leaving it all
for.
I hate you.
I hate the sweater your wear, because
I know you do, too.
Lets burn it, dance around
the bonfire
in the middle of the night
where it is morning, or even
afternoon
somewhere else..
where all we know exists.
I miss you.
I miss the you that you, too,
miss and tend to forget
in this life's mess you call a
so called home.
Sure, she's blonde, all American,
a white woman with good genes,
a prosperous upbringing,
a dedicated future and parents
that never let her in on their
own affairs.
How could they taint their
perfect little daisy?
I say this as I look down upon
my feet.
the small, fat ones that you
made fun of
as you laughed and I blushed, in
embarrassment.
Yet, I would never take that moment
back, ever.
But now, here we are
or
are not.
we aren't and I feel no
connection to you,
other than your dead mother
we both loved.
And will never be at our wedding.
I love you.
I thought I did.
yes, indeed, I did, but you-
you didn't believe-
you wanted my love to be as you
wanted it to be.
I have learned
and with time and age,
wisdom came and went.
Here I am knowing,
it wasn't the right time.
So for tonight, I take another
shot of whiskey
and think of life.
Not you, not your dog,
not my own life,
But the existence of us mortals on
this soon to end planet.
Who are we? What are we?
We are the ones who are
to be thrilled, by the thrill
of it.
And that is all.
Enjoy those acrylic nails.
Even though it makes typing slower.
Ha.
1:29am 09/03/2016

For The Thrill 1:29am 09/03/2016

"For the Thrill of It"


I run wild, with desire
my nails too long
Damn
it took so long,
for them to easily get plastered on
this way
Is this me?
The gold glitter pulsates a
vibrant night of
pleasures and good feelings.
Meeting new people,
Drinking new drinks
Maybe a little smoke in the air,
inhale the second hand form,
but that is all said and done
and here I am,
alone.
Alone, not I,
for I'm with myself,
my thoughts, my life
and I stop-
here.
And-
think.
Thoughts beating as a sort of Skrillex mix
mixes the poor 'Tennis Court'
I felt bad for her.
She had no idea what she was
signing up for.
And when it was time,
a short, tiny time, to
present..
She choked, and
ruined her life in the
lime light.
I still smile at
her attempt.
For that is all
we have in life.
An attempt.
Here I am,
attempting.
Attempting to be
what I once was, what I
once strived for, the
passionate days and nights, where
I couldn't stop-
my mind and mouth, along with my
fingers...
glided.. Never ceasing.
Filled with energy and belief of
...myself.
And now, now I await for the
YouTube to play another random song.
Has this become what life has prepared and kept
for me?
I clearly doubt it.
There is too much in me that will never,
never, ever, allow me to be
mundane.
Yes, lol, call me
insane.
I love you, too.
Enjoy your monotonous life as
you watch me from a distance.
I may cry, I may weap for not
having what you do-
but in the same..
it returns to you,
For you are stuck, indoors
looking out at me..
the broken peace, the external life
that you can never bring yourself
to believe in leaving it all
for.
I hate you.
I hate the sweater your wear, because
I know you do, too.
Lets burn it, dance around
the bonfire
in the middle of the night
where it is morning, or even
afternoon
somewhere else..
where all we know exists.
I miss you.
I miss the you that you, too,
miss and tend to forget
in this life's mess you call a
so called home.
Sure, she's blonde, all American,
a white woman with good genes,
a prosperous upbringing,
a dedicated future and parents
that never let her in on their
own affairs.
How could they taint their
perfect little daisy?
I say this as I look down upon
my feet.
the small, fat ones that you
made fun of
as you laughed and I blushed, in
embarrassment.
Yet, I would never take that moment
back, ever.
But now, here we are
or
are not.
we aren't and I feel no
connection to you,
other than your dead mother
we both loved.
And will never be at our wedding.
I love you.
I thought I did.
yes, indeed, I did, but you-
you didn't believe-
you wanted my love to be as you
wanted it to be.
I have learned
and with time and age,
wisdom came and went.
Here I am knowing,
it wasn't the right time.
So for tonight, I take another
shot of whiskey
and think of life.
Not you, not your dog,
not my own life,
But the existence of us mortals on
this soon to end planet.
Who are we? What are we?
We are the ones who are
to be thrilled, by the thrill
of it.
And that is all.
Enjoy those acrylic nails.
Even though it makes typing slower.
Ha.
1:29am 09/03/2016

untitled

4/25/16
9:49pm
shall I laugh it off?
smirk, rather, is what appears on my face
shameless and predicted
one way or another something of this sort
was bound to happen
life is life
some days the sun shines birght
some are cloudy
with a chance of meatballs
the sun shone from far high above me
my skin pink and sensitive
burns to the touch
soft kisses, the moistness hydrates
as my shoulders suck up his saliva
her tongue on my chest
wraps around, ending her delicate lick to the
tip
of my erect nipple
it also hurts
sunburn much?
relax
the lights dim and the candle flicker make the moment
ease my stomach, from all the cocaine
still stuck in my nostril cavity
lay your eyes low
let your lids refrain from constant alertness
the pillows plush comfort make
for rubbing ones body on it
like catnip for a cat
no, not that hard
softer
softer, yes, sweet and slow
as you begin to bellow out moans
of delightful sensation to the human nervous
system
all is at ease
no hot candle wax
this time
instead, use the melted wax
the molding one
rub its smooth texture over the body, releasing
its therapeutic aroma onto the skin
breathing and taking it in
the sun burnt skin feels the healing penetration
soaking it as it craves more
heal thyself 

4/25/16
8:1/8pm

Where are we at?

my mind and soul wanders
into depths of indecisiveness
rethinking whole situations, how
everything is connected
and now makes me feel
disconnected
from my spiritual being
hurt, ashamed, surprised
and dumbfounded on what and
who i thought i should be, trying so hard
to become what has only brought me
to the position im in now
not even understanding
just here
alive, living, awaiting
what is next..
what IS next? how must one
prepare thyself for the inevitable?
how can i make it evitable?
is there a such thing?
preparation and wise moves
yes, indeed, i must and will
time for quiet, time for watching while
moving silently
better thyself and steer clear from the
others with different perceptions, ideas, moral,
desires and inner motivation
 I know who I am
what i want may not be fully clear
but thats only because my baby eyes
have cried and cried
from laughter, pain, shit-
both at the same time
until this gloomy storm passes, i will listen
to reggae and do my best to
relax my mind
yes, oh yes
selah 

Gliding through the iced swimming pool (Original)

10-09-15 #2-Original

Gliding through the iced
swimming pool

late night

close to day

the freezing weather excites

gliding through the iced

swimming pool

I find you

as you find me

gliding through the iced

swimming pool

my soul and its heat

requires your touch

come to me and we

join as one

flames and fires are lit

within and around us
the pool begins to melt

as you make me feel

that the embrace feels staged

its too perfect

there is no sound

all around me I don't look

but I see

I see it all

you are my one true love

“I know what you are going through..”

As  they all say

when we go through things

that life throws our way

we look at them

dismayed

if only they understood the

reality, of things

things as in our own

perspective on life and

our “situations”

they would only understand that

they do not understand

Anything.

I write to tell you

that no, fortunate, and unfortunately, no

you do not understand the temptations

the withdrawals, the life, the pain

the triumphs

life has granted to this particular

life.

Thanks, but no thanks

take your pity elsewhere

where someone else

cares

enough

to respond in your

blank conversations.

Gliding Through The Iced Swimming Pool

10-09-15

Gliding through the iced

swimming pool

Late night, close to day

the freezing weather excites

Gliding through the iced

swimming pool

I find you

as you find me

Gliding through the iced

swimming pool

My soul and its heat

requires your touch

Gliding through the iced

swimming pool

Come to me and we

join as one

Gliding through the iced

swimming pool

Flames and fire are lit

within and around us

Gliding through the iced

swimming pool

The pool begins to melt

as you make me feel

Gliding through the iced

swimming pool

The embrace feels staged

its too perfect

Gliding through the iced

swimming pool

There is no sound around me

I don't look

Gliding through the iced

swimming pool

But I so see, I

see it all

You are my one true love

I Wonder..

I wonder what it'd be like
If I were to live a different

Life

One far from

Where I ever began

Existence.

Roaming the worlds

Inhaling all life's wonders

Breathing in the diversity

Of life

Flowing through the airs of high lit places

the world watches me in amazement

Smiling at me, as I

Smile back, with my eyes low

And profound with all

That I've taken from this place

Yes, indeed it would be

All in a dream of

Eventual reality