Here & Now, I Try

9:16pm
09-20-16

Have you ever tried
so hard
cried
so hard
heard
too much
felt
more than
enough
gave your
best
felt
so damn
restless
hurt
inside
tried
to hide
have you ever
been awake
yet felt
so
not alive..
"It has to be a dream",
she pondered, looking
far away into the
distant night
as the road continued
and the music played
the highway swayed
into
country
from city
where she used to
lay
she cried to herself
quietly
for the meter was
loud enough
and who was she
to bother
another ride
that would not be
surprised
at the mess
he transported
Have you ever-
loved.. so much
you forgot
yourself?
She sat alone
the drones brought
on much discomfort
to the family
that scorned her.
Yet she never wished
bad upon them
Instead, hoped and prayed
God would change them
make them see, yes,
please God, let them
see
that their enemy
was not her
no
it wasn't she-
but instead, all
they put upon her
being.
Some times
too heavy, she
leaned to another
to levy
the pains and sorrows
that they lent and never back
borrowed
until her back froze
and she could no
longer grow
and grew into a mirror
where she looked at
herself
every night
and despite
her hatred and hurt,
she prayed
for God to lurk,
upon the home
where she was once
throned
as mommy and
daddy's
favorite.
Had she known,
she would have chosen
to be their last pick
not last born
but the one they cared
not for, the
one they did not
believe in
the one they did not
scorn
the one they gave a
hand to
and not hated to
applaud to..
Had she known,
she wouldn't have grown,
in their footsteps.
Into the mess they trapped
her in, or
at least
made their best
attempt.
She still rose.
No matter the thickness
of the concrete
poured upon her
She still smiled
and shared it
with others
No matter what-
I dare you to try and
touch her