For The Thrill 1:29am 09/03/2016

"For the Thrill of It"


I run wild, with desire
my nails too long
Damn
it took so long,
for them to easily get plastered on
this way
Is this me?
The gold glitter pulsates a
vibrant night of
pleasures and good feelings.
Meeting new people,
Drinking new drinks
Maybe a little smoke in the air,
inhale the second hand form,
but that is all said and done
and here I am,
alone.
Alone, not I,
for I'm with myself,
my thoughts, my life
and I stop-
here.
And-
think.
Thoughts beating as a sort of Skrillex mix
mixes the poor 'Tennis Court'
I felt bad for her.
She had no idea what she was
signing up for.
And when it was time,
a short, tiny time, to
present..
She choked, and
ruined her life in the
lime light.
I still smile at
her attempt.
For that is all
we have in life.
An attempt.
Here I am,
attempting.
Attempting to be
what I once was, what I
once strived for, the
passionate days and nights, where
I couldn't stop-
my mind and mouth, along with my
fingers...
glided.. Never ceasing.
Filled with energy and belief of
...myself.
And now, now I await for the
YouTube to play another random song.
Has this become what life has prepared and kept
for me?
I clearly doubt it.
There is too much in me that will never,
never, ever, allow me to be
mundane.
Yes, lol, call me
insane.
I love you, too.
Enjoy your monotonous life as
you watch me from a distance.
I may cry, I may weap for not
having what you do-
but in the same..
it returns to you,
For you are stuck, indoors
looking out at me..
the broken peace, the external life
that you can never bring yourself
to believe in leaving it all
for.
I hate you.
I hate the sweater your wear, because
I know you do, too.
Lets burn it, dance around
the bonfire
in the middle of the night
where it is morning, or even
afternoon
somewhere else..
where all we know exists.
I miss you.
I miss the you that you, too,
miss and tend to forget
in this life's mess you call a
so called home.
Sure, she's blonde, all American,
a white woman with good genes,
a prosperous upbringing,
a dedicated future and parents
that never let her in on their
own affairs.
How could they taint their
perfect little daisy?
I say this as I look down upon
my feet.
the small, fat ones that you
made fun of
as you laughed and I blushed, in
embarrassment.
Yet, I would never take that moment
back, ever.
But now, here we are
or
are not.
we aren't and I feel no
connection to you,
other than your dead mother
we both loved.
And will never be at our wedding.
I love you.
I thought I did.
yes, indeed, I did, but you-
you didn't believe-
you wanted my love to be as you
wanted it to be.
I have learned
and with time and age,
wisdom came and went.
Here I am knowing,
it wasn't the right time.
So for tonight, I take another
shot of whiskey
and think of life.
Not you, not your dog,
not my own life,
But the existence of us mortals on
this soon to end planet.
Who are we? What are we?
We are the ones who are
to be thrilled, by the thrill
of it.
And that is all.
Enjoy those acrylic nails.
Even though it makes typing slower.
Ha.
1:29am 09/03/2016