What Now?

After many moments, too many
No time is desired to tolerate in
measuring and concluding in what is
man made time
It doesn't matter
Continuing on, or being stuck in
the present
thinking to myself
"what now?"
Bipolar moments where I cry and wipe
away burning tears
Telling myself it will be okay
Arguing that it already is
Smiling at the release into
freedom from what held me captive
Confused my mind, played tricks
on my heart
brutalized my being
and I'm back to the sadness
it all happens too quickly
and I feel like a fast forwarded clip from
life's up and down moments
a psychopathic jester, not knowing how
to feel or how to disperse
those feelings
With music balding my eardrums
I feel comfort in the chaos that plays
Closing out the world
Being in my own
I trap myself into my emotions
and regulate who I am and
who I am to become
Armour off
Swords thrown aside
I stand tall, hurt, but
still taller than basketball players
who get hurt and quit mid games
Just shoot already, Curry!
When I was a child,
I spoke as a child
I did childish things..
Who knew how long that would last?
Not I, indeed I did not know
But now, now?
What now?
Now I grow
Now I repent and grow
I repent, grow, I learn, and I
flourish, all the bullshit
I take it as manure and grow myself a feast of
flowers growing through harsh climates in a
concrete world, a jungle of disasters where
onlookers smile as they see my smile
despite it all